I've been feeling miserable the past few weeks, and I'm sick and tired of being in that sort of mood. OK so my plan is to forget those who have misjudged me, they don't know me as well as I hoped and thought that they did, and they sure don't know me as well as I know myself. Now when I say forget them, I don't mean I am cutting them out of my life that's just ridiculous.
What I should have written rather was let go of what they've said and move on. Life is never going to be perfect I'm very much aware of this fact, and I do realize that it's going to be a constant battle for me to get the things I want out of life, which is OK. That's what is going to help me learn more, and more as I carry on in life, and that's just the way it goes.
So my promise to myself is to just let go. Focus on me, and my happiness, and don't worry so much about what everyone else is saying about me. That being said, the relationships I do have with people mean a lot to me, so I'm not trying to say that peoples opinions don't matter to me, I just refuse to continue carrying the negativity, it's not doing me any good. So if anyone has anything nice and positive to say to me I'm all ears. But just be warned if you say something negative about me, I will shut it out, and fully ignore that you've even said something. Selfish? Rude? Maybe, but I just don't care anymore.
It feels like my happiness doesn't belong to me anymore, and this is going to be my way of taking it back. After all it is me and only me that should decide how I feel about things.
Sunday, 17 November 2013
Monday, 11 November 2013
Back to Familiar Places
Hello All,
I've decided to come back to dear old blogspot. Now I have nothing against wordpress, but thought if I'm going to carry on with my blogging adventures, I'd like to come back to this nice familiar blog, that I started with, this is where my blog began, and I feel that it should end (not today, but in the FAR future one day).
Most of you, or all of you should know by now that Dave and I have gotten back together. We had a nice 2 or 3 week break from our relationship, where we built a foundation of friendship which was muchly needed. I'd go into further details about things, but I want to try and keep my relationship as personal as I can from now on. I know it's ok to talk about it, but I also now no longer feel the need to share every single detail with everyone. The relationship is between me and him, and I'd like to keep it that way. All I am going to say is that things are wonderful and we are very much in love!
Moving on from my relationship status, I believe most or all of you also know that I lost my job last month and have recently started working at Second Cup as a barista. I hate every single second of my new job, and although I know I've only had four shifts, I really don't like the fact that I'm now back at the spot of forcing myself out of bed to go to a job that I hate just so I can pay my bills. I sincerely hope that something with a better pay, and that I will find more enjoyable comes my way soon. I have been applying for a lot of bilingual jobs, trying to use my French to my advantage but so far am having no luck there.
The game plan for next year is to get my GED, take either an Admin course or a Dental Receptionist course (I had my mind set on Dental Receptionist, but am now starting to think Dave is right and that I can do something more with my Bilingualism...Bilingualism, is that even a word?!), and take Driver's Ed to finally get my drivers licence. Dave and I also want to take a first aid course together, and at the end of February we'll be heading to Vegas for four nights, courtesy of Dave's lovely parents, all of his family will be coming, and his brother Stephen will be getting married during our time there. I'm so excited about the trip and cannot wait to go. Needless to say I'm actually very much looking forward to 2014 and I hope that it's actually going to be as good as I'm planning it to be.
That's all for tonight, I should probably get some shut-eye, have to work in the morning!
I've decided to come back to dear old blogspot. Now I have nothing against wordpress, but thought if I'm going to carry on with my blogging adventures, I'd like to come back to this nice familiar blog, that I started with, this is where my blog began, and I feel that it should end (not today, but in the FAR future one day).
Most of you, or all of you should know by now that Dave and I have gotten back together. We had a nice 2 or 3 week break from our relationship, where we built a foundation of friendship which was muchly needed. I'd go into further details about things, but I want to try and keep my relationship as personal as I can from now on. I know it's ok to talk about it, but I also now no longer feel the need to share every single detail with everyone. The relationship is between me and him, and I'd like to keep it that way. All I am going to say is that things are wonderful and we are very much in love!
Moving on from my relationship status, I believe most or all of you also know that I lost my job last month and have recently started working at Second Cup as a barista. I hate every single second of my new job, and although I know I've only had four shifts, I really don't like the fact that I'm now back at the spot of forcing myself out of bed to go to a job that I hate just so I can pay my bills. I sincerely hope that something with a better pay, and that I will find more enjoyable comes my way soon. I have been applying for a lot of bilingual jobs, trying to use my French to my advantage but so far am having no luck there.
The game plan for next year is to get my GED, take either an Admin course or a Dental Receptionist course (I had my mind set on Dental Receptionist, but am now starting to think Dave is right and that I can do something more with my Bilingualism...Bilingualism, is that even a word?!), and take Driver's Ed to finally get my drivers licence. Dave and I also want to take a first aid course together, and at the end of February we'll be heading to Vegas for four nights, courtesy of Dave's lovely parents, all of his family will be coming, and his brother Stephen will be getting married during our time there. I'm so excited about the trip and cannot wait to go. Needless to say I'm actually very much looking forward to 2014 and I hope that it's actually going to be as good as I'm planning it to be.
That's all for tonight, I should probably get some shut-eye, have to work in the morning!
Sunday, 29 September 2013
New Beginnings. (Part 2)
Today I made the official choice that it's time for a new beginning, time to remember my dreams and discover new ones. Time to start the long, hard process of moving on. Part of me feels as though for Dave, letting go of me, and letting go of our relationship is easy, but I really don't know that. I have no idea how he's feeling about all this, and it will do me no good to sit around and have negative thoughts about it all.
I have thoroughly enjoyed my time writing blogs here, but as a part of my new beginnings I have set up a new blog. Hence this one having part 2 in the title, though in reality I suppose this one is part 1, after all I am writing it first. None the less this is my farewell to blogspot, but not my farewell to blogging all together.
To new beginnings, possibilities, dreams, and a positive outlook.
http://kaybots.wordpress.com/
I have thoroughly enjoyed my time writing blogs here, but as a part of my new beginnings I have set up a new blog. Hence this one having part 2 in the title, though in reality I suppose this one is part 1, after all I am writing it first. None the less this is my farewell to blogspot, but not my farewell to blogging all together.
To new beginnings, possibilities, dreams, and a positive outlook.
http://kaybots.wordpress.com/
Saturday, 28 September 2013
Life.
This has truly been one of the hardest years of my life. I cannot say that I will be sad to see it go, and ring in the new year of 2014. Here's to hoping 2014 has much better things in store for me!
So to start January was okay, I moved into this place with Hayley and Stacey at the end of the month, and things were looking ok. I was still going to the gym at the time with a personal trainer and shedding the pounds I had wanted to shed for years. I was turning into a confident young woman that I never thought I would be.
February, was when for the first time in my (at the time) 23 years of life I started dating, yes I am well aware it took me longer than pretty much everyone else, but hey. My first attempt failed miserably, and I was left feeling like a complete chump, second attempt failed as well, but was much easier to move on from, no offence at all intended to that person, just one date isn't exactly hard to get over, if we're being honest. Third attempt; Dave, my first ever serious relationship. Voila I had hit the jackpot, he was nice, sweet, seemed to like me, and things were moving along; that is until we hit our first of many bumps in the road. None the less I fell in love, I wanted it to work, I fought for it, I started picturing a different future, molding it into something that could work with him, letting go of my dreams. I never did manage to let go of my fear of actually talking to someone when things were wrong though, and quite recently that's what brought our relationship to an end for the final time.
I will miss him. I already do, and I know that without a doubt I will never forget, he was and always will be my FIRST love. But maybe one day in the future I'll be able to let go, to move on, maybe somewhere out there is my TRUE love.
Aside from that there was also my gallbladder surgery on Wednesday (which also just happens to be the morning of the break-up), and then the cherry on top having collections after me. The stress, and pain both physical and emotional are immense right now, but with the help and support of my family and friends, I will make it through. Life will get better, and I will carry on!
So to start January was okay, I moved into this place with Hayley and Stacey at the end of the month, and things were looking ok. I was still going to the gym at the time with a personal trainer and shedding the pounds I had wanted to shed for years. I was turning into a confident young woman that I never thought I would be.
February, was when for the first time in my (at the time) 23 years of life I started dating, yes I am well aware it took me longer than pretty much everyone else, but hey. My first attempt failed miserably, and I was left feeling like a complete chump, second attempt failed as well, but was much easier to move on from, no offence at all intended to that person, just one date isn't exactly hard to get over, if we're being honest. Third attempt; Dave, my first ever serious relationship. Voila I had hit the jackpot, he was nice, sweet, seemed to like me, and things were moving along; that is until we hit our first of many bumps in the road. None the less I fell in love, I wanted it to work, I fought for it, I started picturing a different future, molding it into something that could work with him, letting go of my dreams. I never did manage to let go of my fear of actually talking to someone when things were wrong though, and quite recently that's what brought our relationship to an end for the final time.
I will miss him. I already do, and I know that without a doubt I will never forget, he was and always will be my FIRST love. But maybe one day in the future I'll be able to let go, to move on, maybe somewhere out there is my TRUE love.
Aside from that there was also my gallbladder surgery on Wednesday (which also just happens to be the morning of the break-up), and then the cherry on top having collections after me. The stress, and pain both physical and emotional are immense right now, but with the help and support of my family and friends, I will make it through. Life will get better, and I will carry on!
Saturday, 24 August 2013
Emotions.
I am shocked it's taken me this many days to sit and write a blog. I haven't exactly been doing very much with my time, yet somehow it seems blog writing suddenly didn't feel like something to do. Thankfully tonight I need the outlet so here I am.
I am sure everyone knows this already as it's all over my facebook, but seeing as it hasn't been announced in a blog yet, I'm going to say it anyways; Dave is coming home early. I am so very happy, and excited, and just cannot wait to see him again. He will be flying home on the 5th of September rather then the 19th now. His time in Vietnam is going well however, he's finding Saigon too busy and intimidating so he will be traveling to another city in Vietnam for his last week there.
I've had a very strange day emotionally. I woke up feeling fantastic, and that feeling carried on until about 2pm, when I suddenly felt run down, and exhausted, so I went to my room to have a nap, which never happened because my brain just wouldn't shut-up, and I lied in bed restlessly until 4 something, after which I came online and started catching up on the mass amount of video's I've missed on Carrie Fletcher's youtube. I adore her, here's the link to her youtube for anyone who's interested, she is an amazing, young woman, https://www.youtube.com/user/ItsWayPastMyBedTime/videos
Dave and I emailed back and forth for quite some time, and are still talking now, sort of, whenever he manages to check his email whilst he's doing things with his day. Cannot believe it's already tomorrow morning for him, that thought is so weird to me. I've tried watching movies and shows on netflix but lose interest not even half hour into them, and find myself sitting on my bed still watching Carrie Fletcher video's and emailing with Dave, however for some odd reason my mood is very blah.
Perhaps I will turn on some music have a little dance around my room, and then figure out what to do with the rest of my evening from there.
Until next time :)
I am sure everyone knows this already as it's all over my facebook, but seeing as it hasn't been announced in a blog yet, I'm going to say it anyways; Dave is coming home early. I am so very happy, and excited, and just cannot wait to see him again. He will be flying home on the 5th of September rather then the 19th now. His time in Vietnam is going well however, he's finding Saigon too busy and intimidating so he will be traveling to another city in Vietnam for his last week there.
I've had a very strange day emotionally. I woke up feeling fantastic, and that feeling carried on until about 2pm, when I suddenly felt run down, and exhausted, so I went to my room to have a nap, which never happened because my brain just wouldn't shut-up, and I lied in bed restlessly until 4 something, after which I came online and started catching up on the mass amount of video's I've missed on Carrie Fletcher's youtube. I adore her, here's the link to her youtube for anyone who's interested, she is an amazing, young woman, https://www.youtube.com/user/ItsWayPastMyBedTime/videos
Dave and I emailed back and forth for quite some time, and are still talking now, sort of, whenever he manages to check his email whilst he's doing things with his day. Cannot believe it's already tomorrow morning for him, that thought is so weird to me. I've tried watching movies and shows on netflix but lose interest not even half hour into them, and find myself sitting on my bed still watching Carrie Fletcher video's and emailing with Dave, however for some odd reason my mood is very blah.
Perhaps I will turn on some music have a little dance around my room, and then figure out what to do with the rest of my evening from there.
Until next time :)
Sunday, 18 August 2013
Good Mood.
I am finally okay with the fact that Dave is gone, it may have taken me a week but at least I got there. I do still miss him, but I know he will be back home, and that's really all that matters in the end.
He did have a bit of a hiccup on his trip with the friend he is over there with so on the 21st he will be flying over to Vietnam on his own for 2 or 3 weeks, and then he will head back to Korea for his last week or so of his vacation. I am sure that he will still have a great holiday though, which will be good for him. Although through our conversation this morning he and I both decided 5 weeks was way too long, and he won't be doing that again, he also said he won't be doing any traveling for a while after he comes home because he will for sure have it out of his system.
In other news I don't think I ever announced my surgery date here on my blog. I am going in on September 25th, I am so excited to finally get this over with and not have to live in fear of what I'm eating. However that being said the fact I am undergoing a surgery makes me very nervous at the same time. I need to be at the hospital about 2 hours before my surgery time, then the surgery it's self is usually about an hour, and then I think I need to stay in the hospital for another 3 or so hours, before I am sent home, but I will be home the same day I go in. It's a full 6 week recovery surgery, but after 2 weeks I will be allowed to return to work on light duty.
I think that about covers everything for now, so until next time :)
He did have a bit of a hiccup on his trip with the friend he is over there with so on the 21st he will be flying over to Vietnam on his own for 2 or 3 weeks, and then he will head back to Korea for his last week or so of his vacation. I am sure that he will still have a great holiday though, which will be good for him. Although through our conversation this morning he and I both decided 5 weeks was way too long, and he won't be doing that again, he also said he won't be doing any traveling for a while after he comes home because he will for sure have it out of his system.
In other news I don't think I ever announced my surgery date here on my blog. I am going in on September 25th, I am so excited to finally get this over with and not have to live in fear of what I'm eating. However that being said the fact I am undergoing a surgery makes me very nervous at the same time. I need to be at the hospital about 2 hours before my surgery time, then the surgery it's self is usually about an hour, and then I think I need to stay in the hospital for another 3 or so hours, before I am sent home, but I will be home the same day I go in. It's a full 6 week recovery surgery, but after 2 weeks I will be allowed to return to work on light duty.
I think that about covers everything for now, so until next time :)
Friday, 16 August 2013
No Win Situation.
How annoying is it that because I miss Dave, I can't wait for the little emails we've been sending each other because then I get to hear from him, but that at the same time those emails make me miss him more.
Remind me to kick his butt when he gets home for leaving me here alone for 5 weeks. If it was just 2 weeks I think I'd be quite a bit better, because then hey guess what I would be seeing him in just another week. But no in reality I will be seeing him again in 34 days, how lame!
I know for sure I well be preoccupied next weekend, but this weekend however I fear may just drag along. So very happy its the weekend though, it was a long work week. Hopefully time starts moving along swifter come Monday, I won't ask that the weekend goes by fast, coz 1 that means back to work already and 2 I just don't think it will.
I am debating having a massive Lord of the Rings fest weekend, and watching the first 3 and then watching The Hobbit Part 1 as well...but I just don't know if I am in the mood, so may just pop on Fellowship of the Ring tomorrow morning, rather than tonight.
What to do tonight then? Hmm I guess I will come up with something. Have already cleaned the bathroom, suppose I should grab my clean laundry from downstairs and put that away...but then what???
Until next time :)
Remind me to kick his butt when he gets home for leaving me here alone for 5 weeks. If it was just 2 weeks I think I'd be quite a bit better, because then hey guess what I would be seeing him in just another week. But no in reality I will be seeing him again in 34 days, how lame!
I know for sure I well be preoccupied next weekend, but this weekend however I fear may just drag along. So very happy its the weekend though, it was a long work week. Hopefully time starts moving along swifter come Monday, I won't ask that the weekend goes by fast, coz 1 that means back to work already and 2 I just don't think it will.
I am debating having a massive Lord of the Rings fest weekend, and watching the first 3 and then watching The Hobbit Part 1 as well...but I just don't know if I am in the mood, so may just pop on Fellowship of the Ring tomorrow morning, rather than tonight.
What to do tonight then? Hmm I guess I will come up with something. Have already cleaned the bathroom, suppose I should grab my clean laundry from downstairs and put that away...but then what???
Until next time :)
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