Dear Void

Dear Void,

I miss the way you held my hand, the way you played with my hair and told me how beautiful I was when we cuddled on the couch, I miss the way you made me laugh, and coming home to you. I miss all of the days we won't have, but most of all I miss the man I know you can be, instead of the one you choose to be.

You probably don't miss me, or my smile, or anything. You're just moving on along. Was it all lies? Or was there truth within the mask you wear? I'll never get my answers. This I know. Goodbye my friend. Goodbye my lover, our time came to an end. I'll never forget, but I hope with time my missing will also end.

Katherine C.

Bad at This.

It seems to me that every time I promise myself I'll be more attentive to blogging the gap between blogs grows bigger...but I could also be imagining that. I do know however that I'm bad at this whole blogging thing. Something to try and keep on working at...here we go yet again; I am promising myself to do this more often...dun, dun, dun!

Today has been an exceedingly good day. I'm in a fabulous mood, and although things are most definitely not going the way I want them to in my life at the moment; as every day passes I'm becoming more and more aware that it's OK to let all of the small little things, be what makes you happy. And I do like to say "keep on smiling" so that's another thing I am going to try and work at more...smiling.   

This afternoon was spent with a very lovely co-worker. I'm glad to have made a new friend that I have so much in common with and who gets my crazy nonsense. We went and saw Maze Runner, which was AMAZING by the way, and I highly recommend it. Now I have to admit it’s one of those books you tell people you've read...only in reality it’s a book you've been meaning to read...so after the movie I decided I needed to purchase the book. I figured if the movie was that good, and so intense; the book HAD to be even better...as books tend to always be in these cases. 

However as I'm still only half way through my Insurgent book (distracted/lazy/can't be bothered) reader of late I'm not even sure when I'll get around to giving Maze Runner a read. But I am determined to finish the Divergent series before I pick up Maze Runner. And that is what I shall do. Starting tonight I must read for at least one hour a day...can I do it? I better because I truly like the idea of being my usual avid reader again.

I hope that you are all having a lovely September, I cannot believe it’s already so close to October. This month has been flying by...where did September go?! 

As autumn is my FAVORITE season...I leave you all this picture of my fall display plate that I put together tonight (about an hour ago).

Until Next time,

Keep on Smiling :)

Keep On!

Sometimes in life things don't go the way we planned and we have to learn to pick up the pieces left behind by the many things we fail at in our lives. But the most important thing that we can do for ourselves is to carry on, to keep trying, to refuse to let that failure win, to stare down our bad luck and unhappiness and tell them "Not today!" To make sure that no matter how far away happiness may sometimes feel we never fully let go of it. May we always hang on tight to a small corner of happiness and keep on tugging until we manage to find it again!

Until Next Time,
Keep on Smiling :)

Letting Go.

The past few days of living on my own have left me with far to much time to myself. Don't get me wrong. I love knowing that its my apartment, that I only have to clean up after myself, and that I at last have my own space, and its making me feel so grown up. However me being alone all of the time isn't a great thing. Me and my brain aren't very good to each other when left alone, haha. I must sound a bit insane right now but its the only way I really know how to put it.

David and I have remained friends as planned, and have spent some time together this weekend, he was even kind enough to come over today for a few hours so that I wouldn't be alone all day. The hours spent alone are ok if I manage to keep myself busy with dishes, or setting things up, but I can't seem to focus on things like shows/movies, and reading for very long. 

Then just all of a sudden I decided I need to just snap out of it. I need to just focus on myself as an individual and stop worrying about everything else. Yes I'm single, yes it's lonely, but how on earth did I manage all of those years alone without David, if I feel I can't now? The truth is I can! David hasn't even left my life and I am very grateful that he's still here for me. Its different, but he's a good friend and no matter how hard things are at the moment I wouldn't change him still being around for anything.

Time to focus on me, and what I want to do with my life, and stop worrying so much about being alone. It's OK, and things will one day be better!

Until Next Time,
Keep on Smiling :)

Hard to Let Go

This is one of the hardest blogs I have ever written. I wasn't sure rather or not I even wanted to write it or not, but I clearly opted into writing it as a means to let SOME of the things go. This weekend was a very hard, and very personal one. I will not be giving all of the details but just a few words to explain what's happened, how I am feeling, and my plan to move on.

Earlier my boyfriend and I had a very lengthy and emotional chat. I love him very much, and as you may all know the year of our relationship was not the easiest and smoothest road, but we fell in love, and tried to make things work. Unfortunately sometimes no matter how much you love someone a romantic relationship with them just doesn't work. This is the conclusion my boyfriend (who I guess is actually no longer my boyfriend) and I came to tonight. Laying all of the super personal little details aside (yes I realize this entire blog is about something personal, but certain things I definitely want to keep to myself) the fact of the matter is there is such a thing as being too opposite. Yes they say that opposites attract but when you and your partner are very far from being similar it leaves little chance that you want the same things, and sadly we just don't. I do still love him and care about him very much. He is a good, kind man who has been here for me through a very tough year. I hope that we can in fact remain friends as we plan, and that he will always be a part of my life.

Saying goodbye to someone you love is never easy. I believe I am finding it especially difficult because he was my first love, my first serious relationship, the first man who ever made me feel this way, and whom I wanted to be the last man that I loved, but first loves don't always pan out, and for those of you who were ever so lucky enough to find the right person on their first go, I applaud and congratulate you. That is something very special!

Until Next Time,
Keep on Smiling :)

Moving.

Hello everyone,

I am so sorry that it has been ages since my last update. I meant to blog so much more often than this, this year however just haven't been doing so. I wish I had an excuse but I really don't have one. Anywho moving on...

Quite literally actually (haha I tried to make a joke...I'm not funny am I?)
My lease for where I am currently living is up at the end of the month. I'm cacking my pants, as I need to be moved out on April 30th yet all apartments will only let you move in on May 1st and I still haven't managed to find anything. The major reason behind this is because I've not got enough money in my savings to currently say "YES I WANT THIS PLACE" I nearly have enough money for the damage deposit of the place I am going to view on Monday morning, but find myself still a bit short, and this is making the apartment search quite stressful.

Yes I am a girl who loves to shop, and treat myself to such things as Booster Juice and books, and yes obviously clothing as well. This is NOT the reason I do not have enough money in my savings. That being said yes I have treated myself to these things recently buuuuut what can I say?!

I will have exactly enough money to secure an apartment (well I'll have money left over as well) on my next payday which is not until April 23rd. Here's to hoping it all transitions smoothly.

Until next time,
Keep on Smiling :)

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12101205/?claim=g49akm8wf85">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Health.

Today's Food Log:
Breakfast - Two Pomegranate Raspberry Greek Yogurt's & 1 Sweet & Salty Almond Granola Bar
Lunch - Cheese Bagel toasted and lightly buttered and another granola bar
Dinner - Salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette (Cucumber, Tomato, Cilantro, Red Onion)
Snack: Yet another Almond Granola Bar
Beverages - 2 cups of water, Almond Milk, Apple Juice, and 1 Chillate.

Today's Workout:
15 Minute Walk
20 Crunches
15 Push-Ups
20 Squats
10 Lunges per leg
10 Side Lunges per leg
15 Push-Ups
Plank Hold (1 Minute)
Side Plank Hold (1 Minute per side)
Skater Hops:
Stand on your right foot with your right knee bent, left leg lifted behind you. Lower your body into a squat, then jump to the left, landing on your left leg and bringing your right foot back behind you (keep it hovering off the ground). Pause in the position, then jump back onto your right foot, bringing your left foot bent behind you. Repeat this movement for one minute.

Staying Focused.

Staying focused is something I have always seemed to have an issue with and as of the late that hasn't changed. I planned on beginning a work out regimen on Friday but because I was tired after a long week of work, and had my boyfriend round for the weekend, I sort of failed. 

Needless to say when my boyfriend headed home this afternoon I decided it was time to take action, and actually work out. The 10 lbs I have managed to gain after my surgery will not melt away on their own so at last today (only just finished my workout about 10 minutes ago) I did the workout I had set up for myself on Friday. It only took me a total of 11 minutes to complete but I am still proud of myself for actually going through with it.

1. Plank (I held it for a total of 1 minute, go me!)
2. Downward Facing dog (Held for 30 seconds, I hate that yoga position it kills my calfs)
3.  Knee to Elbow Crunches, from the Downward Facing Dog position (15 reps per leg)
4. Lunges (15 Reps per leg)
5. 20 Squats
6. 20 Toe Taps
7. Kickbacks (10 Reps per leg)
8. 30 Second Squat Hold
9. Side Leg Lifts (15 Reps per side)
10. Side Plank Lifts (15 Reps per side)

That concludes the workout I did today, now it is time for me to chug a nice bottle of water, and have a shower. I was planning on walking to Wal-Mart for some eggs and other tid-bits later but I think I shall skip that as I really don't need eggs that badly.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend!
Until next time, keep on smiling :)

Journey's

Life is a very confusing journey at times, but I guess that's just the way it goes. Emotions and feelings aren't things we can just shrug off nor are they things we should let control everything we do though. That's something I need to keep on telling myself lately. It's ok for me to feel the way I do, because that's just the way I feel, and I can't change it, however I cannot let it control me.

Anyways, I think I am going to say goodbye to the youtube world, it is something I have put a lot of thought into and considering the last video I made on my own personal channel was I believe a good two years ago anyways, it didn't seem that big of a deal. I will however miss TwoPotterGirls, it was a way of me being able to connect with my friend Lucy between the distance, but I am sure our friendship can survive without youtube, and I truly hope that it does. I am not going to say that I am closing the door on youtube forever because I don't know that I am, but for now at least I think its safe to say goodbye. 

Blogging is something I really want to start focusing on more. I have quite a bit going on this year, so it may actually be possible for me to successfully keep up blogging. That being said I have no idea how often I will actually be doing this, I do just know that I want to start doing more of it!

First things first is the upcoming Vegas trip in just 18 days, after which I plan on taking a first aid course, and finally getting my GED. I was going to take my GED Exam this month however with my funds even more pressed than usual because of the upcoming trip I have put it on hold until March or April. I will also be taking Drivers Ed this year and finally getting my license, I have my learners license already but its time I start driving. I am so fed up with public transportation. 

I will hopefully pass my GED exam and get the certificate after which I plan on enrolling in an Administrative Assistant course come fall. Fingers crossed all goes to plan. It will keep me very busy this year but I'm pretty happy with this plan of action to get my life on track!

Until next time, keep on smiling! :)

Personal.

I think  in life we often think that everything has to go a certain way. I know at least I do, I did. It may seem sad to say that although I had gotten used to nothing going my way, every time it didn’t I felt defeated. I’m nearing my 25th birthday and for the first time in my life I realized its ok, its ok not to have the answers for everything, its ok to be afraid, what isn’t ok is to let your fear define everything you do. A lesson learned perhaps some would say too late in life, but everyone grows up in different ways, and just because I’m 24 it doesn’t necessarily mean I have let go of my childhood, and truth be told I haven’t. That is one of my fears, allowing myself to be the adult I am supposed to be. I know I am no longer a child, or even a teenager, but I still don’t feel ready to be an adult, and the fear of letting go of that strange in-between stage I am stuck in, is hard; but I know that it is time, time to be an adult, time to just let go and live my life. Fear is not going to rule me any longer. 

A New Year

So it is now officially 2014. I have a lot planned for this year and I just hope that in the end it all works out. Next month I will be writing my GED exam and at the end of February my boyfriend and I will be going to Vegas with his family.

I will also hopefully be able to find a better paying job soon, and hope to take drivers ed this year.I also plan on taking a course in school come the fall and I will be turning 25 in April, which just seems insane. How am I 25 already?! The years sure do fly by.

That is all for now but I should be back with some more blogs this year.

Happy New Year everyone! :)

Won't Give Up.

I've been feeling miserable the past few weeks, and I'm sick and tired of being in that sort of mood. OK so my plan is to forget those who have misjudged me, they don't know me as well as I hoped and thought that they did, and they sure don't know me as well as I know myself. Now when I say forget them, I don't mean I am cutting them out of my life that's just ridiculous. 

What I should have written rather was let go of what they've said and move on. Life is never going to be perfect I'm very much aware of this fact, and I do realize that it's going to be a constant battle for me to get the things I want out of life, which is OK. That's what is going to help me learn more, and more as I carry on in life, and that's just the way it goes.

So my promise to myself is to just let go. Focus on me, and my happiness, and don't worry so much about what everyone else is saying about me. That being said, the relationships I do have with people mean a lot to me, so I'm not trying to say that peoples opinions don't matter to me, I just refuse to continue carrying the negativity, it's not doing me any good. So if anyone has anything nice and positive to say to me I'm all ears. But just be warned if you say something negative about me, I will shut it out, and fully ignore that you've even said something. Selfish? Rude? Maybe, but I just don't care anymore.

It feels like my happiness doesn't belong to me anymore, and this is going to be my way of taking it back. After all it is me and only me that should decide how I feel about things.

Back to Familiar Places

Hello All,

I've decided to come back to dear old blogspot. Now I have nothing against wordpress, but thought if I'm going to carry on with my blogging adventures, I'd like to come back to this nice familiar blog, that I started with, this is where my blog began, and I feel that it should end (not today, but in the FAR future one day).

Most of you, or all of you should know by now that Dave and I have gotten back together. We had a nice 2 or 3 week break from our relationship, where we built a foundation of friendship which was muchly needed. I'd go into further details about things, but I want to try and keep my relationship as personal as I can from now on. I know it's ok to talk about it, but I also now no longer feel the need to share every single detail with everyone. The relationship is between me and him, and I'd like to keep it that way. All I am going to say is that things are wonderful and we are very much in love!

Moving on from my relationship status, I believe most or all of you also know that I lost my job last month and have recently started working at Second Cup as a barista. I hate every single second of my new job, and although I know I've only had four shifts, I really don't like the fact that I'm now back at the spot of forcing myself out of bed to go to a job that I hate just so I can pay my bills. I sincerely hope that something with a better pay, and that I will find more enjoyable comes my way soon. I have been applying for a lot of bilingual jobs, trying to use my French to my advantage but so far am having no luck there. 

The game plan for next year is to get my GED, take either an Admin course or a Dental Receptionist course (I had my mind set on Dental Receptionist, but am now starting to think Dave is right and that I can do something more with my Bilingualism...Bilingualism, is that even a word?!), and take Driver's Ed to finally get my drivers licence. Dave and I also want to take a first aid course together, and at the end of February we'll be heading to Vegas for four nights, courtesy of Dave's lovely parents, all of his family will be coming, and his brother Stephen will be getting married during our time there. I'm so excited about the trip and cannot wait to go. Needless to say I'm actually very much looking forward to 2014 and I hope that it's actually going to be as good as I'm planning it to be.

That's all for tonight, I should probably get some shut-eye, have to work in the morning!

New Beginnings. (Part 2)

Today I made the official choice that it's time for a new beginning, time to remember my dreams and discover new ones. Time to start the long, hard process of moving on. Part of me feels as though for Dave, letting go of me, and letting go of our relationship is easy, but I really don't know that. I have no idea how he's feeling about all this, and it will do me no good to sit around and have negative thoughts about it all. 

I have thoroughly enjoyed my time writing blogs here, but as a part of my new beginnings I have set up a new blog. Hence this one having part 2 in the title, though in reality I suppose this one is part 1, after all I am writing it first. None the less this is my farewell to blogspot, but not my farewell to blogging all together.

To new beginnings, possibilities, dreams, and a positive outlook.

 http://kaybots.wordpress.com/

Life.

This has truly been one of the hardest years of my life. I cannot say that I will be sad to see it go, and ring in the new year of 2014. Here's to hoping 2014 has much better things in store for me!

So to start January was okay, I moved into this place with Hayley and Stacey at the end of the month, and things were looking ok. I was still going to the gym at the time with a personal trainer and shedding the pounds I had wanted to shed for years. I was turning into a confident young woman that I never thought I would be.

February, was when for the first time in my (at the time) 23 years of life I started dating, yes I am well aware it took me longer than pretty much everyone else, but hey. My first attempt failed miserably, and I was left feeling like a complete chump, second attempt failed as well, but was much easier to move on from, no offence at all intended to that person, just one date isn't exactly hard to get over, if we're being honest. Third attempt; Dave, my first ever serious relationship. Voila I had hit the jackpot, he was nice, sweet, seemed to like me, and things were moving along; that is until we hit our first of many bumps in the road. None the less I fell in love, I wanted it to work, I fought for it, I started picturing a different future, molding it into something that could work with him, letting go of my dreams. I never did manage to let go of my fear of actually talking to someone when things were wrong though, and quite recently that's what brought our relationship to an end for the final time. 

I will miss him. I already do, and I know that without a doubt I will never forget, he was and always will be my FIRST love. But maybe one day in the future I'll be able to let go, to move on, maybe somewhere out there is my TRUE love. 

Aside from that there was also my gallbladder surgery on Wednesday (which also just happens to be the morning of the break-up), and then the cherry on top having collections after me. The stress, and pain both physical and emotional are immense right now, but with the help and support of my family and friends, I will make it through. Life will get better, and I will carry on!

Emotions.

I am shocked it's taken me this many days to sit and write a blog. I haven't exactly been doing very much with my time, yet somehow it seems blog writing suddenly didn't feel like something to do. Thankfully tonight I need the outlet so here I am.

I am sure everyone knows this already as it's all over my facebook, but seeing as it hasn't been announced in a blog yet, I'm going to say it anyways; Dave is coming home early. I am so very happy, and excited, and just cannot wait to see him again. He will be flying home on the 5th of September rather then the 19th now. His time in Vietnam is going well however, he's finding Saigon too busy and intimidating so he will be traveling to another city in Vietnam for his last week there. 

I've had a very strange day emotionally. I woke up feeling fantastic, and that feeling carried on until about 2pm, when I suddenly felt run down, and exhausted, so I went to my room to have a nap, which never happened because my brain just wouldn't shut-up, and I lied in bed restlessly until 4 something, after which I came online and started catching up on the mass amount of video's I've missed on Carrie Fletcher's youtube. I adore her, here's the link to her youtube for anyone who's interested, she is an amazing, young woman, https://www.youtube.com/user/ItsWayPastMyBedTime/videos

Dave and I emailed back and forth for quite some time, and are still talking now, sort of, whenever he manages to check his email whilst he's doing things with his day. Cannot believe it's already tomorrow morning for him, that thought is so weird to me. I've tried watching movies and shows on netflix but lose interest not even half hour into them, and find myself sitting on my bed still watching Carrie Fletcher video's and emailing with Dave, however for some odd reason my mood is very blah.

Perhaps I will turn on some music have a little dance around my room, and then figure out what to do with the rest of my evening from there.

Until next time :)

Good Mood.

I am finally okay with the fact that Dave is gone, it may have taken me a week but at least I got there. I do still miss him, but I know he will be back home, and that's really all that matters in the end. 

He did have a bit of a hiccup on his trip with the friend he is over there with so on the 21st he will be flying over to Vietnam on his own for 2 or 3 weeks, and then he will head back to Korea for his last week or so of his vacation. I am sure that he will still have a great holiday though, which will be good for him. Although through our conversation this morning he and I both decided 5 weeks was way too long, and he won't be doing that again, he also said he won't be doing any traveling for a while after he comes home because he will for sure have it out of his system.

In other news I don't think I ever announced my surgery date here on my blog. I am going in on September 25th, I am so excited to finally get this over with and not have to live in fear of what I'm eating. However that being said the fact I am undergoing a surgery makes me very nervous at the same time. I need to be at the hospital about 2 hours before my surgery time, then the surgery it's self is usually about an hour, and then I think I need to stay in the hospital for another 3 or so hours, before I am sent home, but I will be home the same day I go in. It's a full 6 week recovery surgery, but after 2 weeks I will be allowed to return to work on light duty. 

I think that about covers everything for now, so until next time :)

No Win Situation.

How annoying is it that because I miss Dave, I can't wait for the little emails we've been sending each other because then I get to hear from him, but that at the same time those emails make me miss him more. 

Remind me to kick his butt when he gets home for leaving me here alone for 5 weeks. If it was just 2 weeks I think I'd be quite a bit better, because then hey guess what I would be seeing him in just another week. But no in reality I will be seeing him again in 34 days, how lame!

I know for sure I well be preoccupied next weekend, but this weekend however I fear may just drag along. So very happy its the weekend though, it was a long work week. Hopefully time starts moving along swifter come Monday, I won't ask that the weekend goes by fast, coz 1 that means back to work already and 2 I just don't think it will. 

I am debating having a massive Lord of the Rings fest weekend, and watching the first 3 and then watching The Hobbit Part 1 as well...but I just don't know if I am in the mood, so may just pop on Fellowship of the Ring tomorrow morning, rather than tonight.

What to do tonight then? Hmm I guess I will come up with something. Have already cleaned the bathroom, suppose I should grab my clean laundry from downstairs and put that away...but then what???

Until next time :)

Keeping Busy.

Today has been a good and bad day. Work went really well, and I managed to get boosted up to getting paid per mat rather than hourly, massively great news for my finances which were already looking good from the hourly wage at my new job. Yay!

I also managed to have a good 30 minute long back and forth email conversation going with Dave, which was quite nice. He seems to be having a great time in Korea, and I am really glad he is enjoying his trip. 

Meanwhile however I have yet to manage to stop constantly thinking and fussing over the fact he isn't here. Its driving me crazy, I just cannot seem to get over the fact that I won't be seeing him until September 20th. I keep on telling myself its only a short time, and that before I know it he will be home again. Which is true, only the before I know will actually be verrrry slow if I keep up this bloody negative attitude. He is away on holiday, and I need to just accept that, and carry on with my days. Yes I am allowed to think of him, and miss him, but that cannot be all that I worry about 24/7 it might just kill me if I do. 

So game plan, positive attitude in toe. If I feel the need to just vent or get super lonely hey guess what, my blog is here for a reason. So don't be surprised if you start seeing a new post every evening. I don't see this as a bad thing. I see this as something to keep me busy. Keeping busy is going to be a must. I think the next 35 days will be filled with good music, writing a lot, playing games on facebook, talking to my mum maybe slightly more than usual (and I am a pure mama's girl so I already talk to her a lot as is), whining, over-thinking, walking, dancing, laughing, crying, movie watching, book reading, picture taking, and discovering just how strong I actually am.

Until next time (...tomorrow?) :)


 

Tough Days.

Dave is officially in Korea, he got there at 11pm (my time) last night. I recieved my first email from him at 3am this morning letting me know he was there and how things went getting there, etc. I then got a small second email today at 6:30am just to let me know they had gotten a room, which apparently really sucks and I am meant to be getting photos of just how bad it is at some point. It is currently already 8:30am tomorrow in Korea, this 15 hour time difference is going to drive me mental, but I am so very glad I did get to hear from him today. Only one day down, 36 more to go. Oi vey, this is going to be very long. 

I however am making myself a very lame list of tasks to do everyday just so that I am kept busy, and not lounging around thinking about how he isn't home. Hopefully this list works out, but I'm not usually one who can stick to silly things like that, especially ones like this that literally have things such as "Have a LOTR marathon day" on it. 

I do however know what I will be doing on September 19th after work. I have decided I am gonna go get my hair done, then get gel nails and a pedicure done, so that I look extra nice when I finally see him again on September 20th. 

Well I guess that's about it for today, until next time! :)